The Pink House

January 6, 2010

Today I began reflecting on my earliest memories as a small child. It is hard to conjure the memories that you have pressed down for so many years and bring them back to life --- but here I go.

I have slivers of several memories before I was 4 years old and as I started digging them up I found it is amazing how the memory bank works differently for each person. I have several brothers and a sister and we all have a different set of memories of our childhood. They are so different that I often ask myself, ‘Did we have the same childhood?’ the answer is simple – NO, we did not have the same childhood.

I have been shaped into the person I am today because of my ‘perception’ of the reality that I lived. I’m saying this to say --- my reality might not be the most purest or most accurate reality… it happens, we skew and distort the truth to fit in our mold of what we ‘feel’ we are experiencing… as you continue to read my story just remember that this is only my point of view of what happened.

Now, back to my earliest memories – I was 4 years old and living in Akron Ohio in a big beautiful pink house. It is amazing to me now what memories I kept of this house. I loved it – I know now, as an adult, that it wasn’t the house at all, but the sense of family and completeness I felt in this house. All of my memories in this house were relatively good and pre-abuse years of my life therefore I think I glamorized the image of this house in my memories just a tad; when in reality the house probably was nothing spectacular at all.

This house was a sweet powder pink with metal siding. This two story home felt like a princess house to me. How could any four year old little girl live in a pink house and not fantasize about being a princess. The house was two stories with a basement and many storage closets. Now the most exciting part of this house was the secret doors and passage ways. This is where I am not sure if reality bleeds into fantasy or not. I have a hunch that what I remember was more of make believe and the secret mystery games, we would play, coming out in me. I remember a secret door – but I also feel like I might be remembering a game we played that was not real at all; however my imagination was so active that it feels very real to me. Funny thing is that my brother remembers the same thing… have we conjured up these memories together? I don’t know – but it’s about the only positive memory of my childhood and I choose to hang on to it.

Our pink house sat on a hill overlooking a busy intersection in Akron Ohio. Just below the hill under the bridge to the right was a little candy store. I remember this because there were times we were in big trouble for going to this store. What a dream come true – to have your very own candy store in walking distance. In the winter time we would ride the sled down the hill and sneak over to the candy store before our mom could catch us. Sometimes I would have to be the ‘watch out’ girl for my older sister.

We had some great friends on that cobble stone street. The sad thing is that we couldn’t play with them unless we were very very sneaky. This was the late 1970’s and my step father was not too excited about mixing with ‘the coloreds’. He has since been enlightened to his ignorant ways and is very much okay with people being people no matter what color of their skin. In 1979 in the north… it wasn’t so much okay to him. I can not remember their faces… except my sister and I were drawn to them… maybe they were two sisters too – I don’t know. I remember one of their names was Plum… maybe it was Cherry. I remember this because my parents always called them something else… it was something ridiculous like – Dewberry or Sassafras. I liked those girls and we had fun together. We would ride bikes together... but I didn’t know how to ride a bike so the only way I could play with them is if I would ride on the back of their bike with them. I can remember one day playing with them and riding double on the bike…. And up pulls our step dad – I was terrified because he had told us A) don’t play with them… and… B) Don’t ride bikes double – it’s dangerous on this hill. When I saw his truck pull up (He was a truck driver) I knew I was in deep trouble. My sister and I ran for the house and tried to act like we had not been playing… but he knew.

I think it is so important for my girls to know that God created everyone – everything. He made it with His heart and He loves His creation. When we choose to follow Jesus we give up our own ‘rights’ and our own ‘impulsions’. The New King James version of 1Corinthians 6:19-22 reminds us of who owns us. Not only did God create us and therefore we belong to Him but when we surrender our hearts to him and commit to follow Him and his ways – we have chosen to sell out and He has indeed bought us. He paid the biggest price of all time for us – with The Blood of Jesus we were purchased that day on Calvary two thousand years ago. I tell my girls all the time and I pray they remember this… ‘We don’t get to choose if we love or not… We don’t get to choose if we are kinds to friends on the play ground or not… etc.’ We belong to God and so we have to do what He says. We must obey God. Do I always… NO! Do I want to? YES! I want to think about what God demands of me as a woman of God first… then react. Easier said than done… but when done, it is a powerful thing.

1 Corinthians 6:19-22 (New King James Version)

¹⁹ Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? ²⁰ For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.