Transition

January 14, 2010

Today I began thinking about transition – transition is a tricky thing. Lots of people look at change as a great thing… not me. I do not like change for the most part. I love things that are predicable and safe in life. The move from Ohio to Texas was the first big transition that I can remember.
The day this big transition began will always be etched in my memory as the day my step father showed me how much he really cared about my feelings and the things that were important to me. Remember that this is my version of what happened… as a parent myself, I know it is a version that is diluted with my 4 year old tears.
It all began with the big garage sale… fire truck explosion… and then on to the packing of the moving trailer. It was a little trailer that Bob had packed full of his tools and other prized possessions. I thought that this move would not be too bad… sure I was leaving all of my friends and everything that was familiar to me but I would make it. I am strong!
Everyone was packing in the car getting ready for us to pull away… but wait, I thought, my big wheel isn’t packed. You see I was indeed, Luke Duke and my Dukes of Hazard big wheel was a ‘must’ in the packing process. I loved that big wheel and all of the memories I had on that big wheel. I yelled out for my step dad to pack it away and tears fell from my face in a sobbing fashion…. He said NO, and gave it away to one of his Hill Billy friends. I was devastated – the one thing I truly wanted was tossed out like it was trash and now I was sure that I was NOT going to be okay with this move. I was not strong – I was broken.
Things are just things… and I know now that my big wheel probably was not as great as I remember. My parents probably thought they could replace it … not thinking of my fragile little feelings during such a big move, they got rid of it. Now that I am a momma I think that I probably would have done the same thing out of ignorance for a little soul.
I still have some pretty raw emotions about that day. I find it interesting that today I hold onto possession and their memories --- too much of the time. I make a special effort to hold on to my girls toys till they are old enough to get rid of them for themselves. I never want to be guilty of tossing one of their ‘special toys’. I know that’s so silly – but I would give anything to have my big wheel back. It was my safe place… and held lots of memories for me of the ‘better days’.
As I reflect on this memory I know that holding onto the secret bitterness of a junked big wheel is not what God wanted for me. I know that God wanted me to have the desires of my heart and He wanted me to find safety in Him rather than possessions. I am still working on this truth even today.
I want to be a woman that is not attached to ‘things’. I desire to find the value in the principals of God more than I do in gifts and stuff. I want to have a stronger desire to follow the heart of God and not the ‘sale sign’.
A perfect example of a mental thought, which I want to grow old with resounding in my mind is that of Proverbs 11 verse 4 – it says… Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death. I want to be a righteous woman and I want my girls to be righteous… sounds like a ‘goodie two shoes’ thought… but my heart really wants to do the right things at the right times in my life. I want to store those experiences up for judgment day and not be wrapped up in accumulating wealth that will surly all be burnt away.
Why is it so hard to do the right thing? Our society has made it so easy to lie, cheat, steal and live rich doing it. I want a blood line that is rooted in doing the right thing in all situations… I still need to work in this area. Ahhhh – how hard it is to look in the mirror at your own sin however; one day we will not only look in the mirror but we will look into the face of God and give account for our righteousness or lack of.
Transition is often the tool God will use to show us the sins in our own hearts. It is transition that more times than not the vehicle that drives you into a blubbering mess as our lives fall apart. It is transition that shows us what we are truly made of. Transition is the mirror that lots of times shows us what we are wrapped up in. Don’t hate transition… embrace it, because this transition just might be the one that reveals the worthless wealth you have stored up in your heart…

Proverbs 11:3-5 (New International Version)
4 Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death.